Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
