No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
it glows. i had to have it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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