Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
