you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
