Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
