Say something about gay babies.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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