Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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