Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
