Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
