why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I deserve this hangover.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
