You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
