really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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