Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
