I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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