i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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