Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
