I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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