Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Less talking, more tequila
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
