Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
