So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
