4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
