so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
