When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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