i jhust puked up my retainher.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
