Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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