Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
