I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize