I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
