You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
North Korea, Best Korea!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
