Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
