My hair reeks of homosexuality.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize