somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
