Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
