the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
