What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
