somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize