I must be too annoying 4 u.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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