After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
as a side note pls kill me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
