Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
