Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
