Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
