coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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