hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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