u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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