She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
