happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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