Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
