I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
