Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
