I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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