thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
