so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
