Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize