I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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