I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
