That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
