My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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