How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
