went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He did a backflip because drugs
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
