I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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