I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
