my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize