Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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