Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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