don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
