even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
