I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize