Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
