apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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