This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
